The Power of Attunement
You may have heard the term “attunement” thrown around before (typically in a counseling setting), but may not have known exactly what it means. As a leader, it is essential that you understand this concept. It will help you develop strong connections, a loyal team, and help others grow. Simply put, attunement is a form of listening in which you tune into a person's emotional experience and reflect it back to them in a way they feel understood, validated and seen.
HOW TO DO IT
When someone is talking to you, pay attention to the emotion they are experiencing. Notice what emotions arise in yourself as you put yourself in their shoes.
Reflect it back to them in your own words. No need to ask questions — just name the emotion and pause. Ex: "That sounds frustrating" or "What a disappointment"
They will pick it up and naturally share more as they feel you understand what is going on with them. Note: Don't worry if you misidentify it, they will usually correct you and keep going.
Keep repeating steps 1-3 until they "empty their bucket."
Finally, you will have gotten to the deeper issue that is going on.
WHY IT’S SO POWERFUL
Attunement is often dismissed because it can feel unproductive and inefficient (who wants to talk about feelings in the workplace?). And it can be scary when someone who is frustrated or sad comes to us — our tendency is to steer away from the emotion or try to calm them down, and attuning feels like we are amplifying their emotion. So we often feel the urge to downplay it or distract them from it (check out this video clip for how that doesn't work). Yet what they need is someone to connect with what they are experiencing to help “drain” the emotion out.
If you can resist the urge to correct or fix and instead tune into their experience, you accomplish a number of very powerful things:
You build trust & a strong alliance
You get to the real issues in conversations -- many time the first thing they share is not the real problem, it is something deeper but they need you to be safe enough to share it with you
You engage their hearts (not just their heads & hands)
You motivate them at a high level (and avoiding the opposite -- feeling misunderstood or unseen is highly de-motivating)
As you do it more, you create a safer culture where real problems surface quicker, and as a result your business becomes much more efficient
CONCLUSION
If you’re wanting to improve this skill and get a better handle on how to create this powerful experience for others, schedule a free 15 minute Listening Call — research has shown the most powerful way to learn is to experience it first-hand. Or if you want to take this skill to the next level, consider 1-on-1 coaching or joining on of my coaching groups.